On Air Now: KicFM - the voice of a new generation
Listen Live
Text "Kic" to 60300
Email studio@kicfm.com
Footy Balls
The Latest Football news & debate, action from the local teams and the lads thoughts on the latest games and stories.
Cheat!
From 20th November 2009
Everyone else is doing it so why don't we?
By Shaun Owen
So Fabio Capellos considering selecting some bloke called Aaron Hunt for the England squad. To me, he sounds like a Division One workhorse who's kicking lumps out of people at Colchester. He is not this. He is...wait for it...duh, duh, durrrr....A German! I can hear the moans and groans from English supporters up and down our great green land. "I only want English players for the England team demand" the blinkered simpletons. "If we win the World Cup with him in the side it wonâ't be an English victory" cry the 18 stone fools with a bulldog scribbled in ink on their arms.
My message is, yes this is wrong, it shouldn't be allowed... blardy blardy blah, but everyone else is doing it so why don't we? We are already at a disadvantage to the rest of the world by possessing traffic cones for goalkeepers and Big Emile leading our line. Let's at least get back on level playing field by inventing English nationalism for foreign players. If you consult the record books you will find winners of major tournaments have been dragging talent through the loophole for years and years. Italy, the champions of the world, have Mauro' the Argie' Camoranesi. Spain, champions of Europe have, Marcos' the Brazilian' Senna. France with a World Cup and Euro in the bag, did it with Zidane the Algerian, and Patrick 'he from Senegal' Viera. They certainly didn't rely on Stephane Giivarc'h to win them major tournaments. The Germans are up to it too with Podlski (Polish) and the Portuguese have Deco (Brazilian), all class players, capable of turning a game with one bit of magic.
We've used the loophole once before and recruited... Tony Dorigo! Tony bloody Dorigo!!! Did we not have the largest empire the world has ever seen? Did we really sacrifice the lives of good men to conquer land and sea just to have Tony Dorigo play for our national team?
Capello has already stated he isn't considering Manual Almunia for selection when he gets his British passport. This is not because Almunia is as Spanish as falling donkey but because he's a gormless, arm flapping idiot who bleaches his hair despite the fact that he's in his THIRTYS! However if Buffon could be considered I'm sure Capello would be feeding him with as many Yorkshire puds's he could lay his hands on and recruit Geoffrey Boycott as his language coach. Oh yes, Buffon would be England's number one and I for one wouldn't mind one bit.
Let's look at the options Mikel Arteta is set to gain his English citizenship soon. If your club side was given the chance to sign Arteta, with all his silky skills, great delivery, radar vision and match winning nous, or Jermaine Jenas with all his...erm, running around a bit and looking busy, who would you choose? Arteta, surely. You will have people saying if he isn't good enough for Spain then he's not good enough for us. This is complete rubbish. Face facts, Spain are better than us. But that's because they use the loophole. Marcos Senna was instrumental in their Euro victory, shielding the back four while Iniesta, Xavi, Silva et al ran riot. If you can't beat em, join em.
I suggest Fabio recruits some of the selectors of the England cricket team; they seem to know a thing or two when it comes to international loopholes, and they can provide him with a list of talent that could qualify for selection, but obviously make sure they cast their net wider than South Africa for god's sake! The Irish aren't ashamed of their national team even though they resorted to calling up Clinton Morrison. They know for every Morrison there's a Ray Houghton, a man who's Scottish as deep fried Curly Wurly. This doesn't matter; he is the player that scored the winning goals against England in 88 and Italy in 94. He brought them joy. He gave them pride in their national team. He is a legend.
I'm not saying we should bring just anyone into our England side, just players who will make an impact and strengthen the squad. The likely hood is that the likes of Wayne Bridge, Wes Brown, Emile Heskey and English goalkeepers are going to be included in the final 23. These players are not good enough and I pray our brave servicemen of yesteryear put it about a bit on the continent and we can unearth a world beater from another country in time for the World Cup. If not then I'm afraid we're going to the same World Cup restaurant that we've been dining at for so many years. Starting with the stale bread group games, then for mains a meaty delicious win against an also ran in the second round. For dessert the inevitable plucky tart that looks good for long periods, but ultimately leaves a bitter taste in the mouth in the quarters. We won't be around for cheese and crackers. We never are.
The Final Whistle
From 20th November 2009
FOOTBALL FOR SALE:
By Shaun Owen:
Your browser may not support display of this image.
This weekend England travel to Dubai to play in, what amounts to a travelling football circus, against the samba boys from Brazil. I ask you dear reader, should OUR national team really be travelling thousands of miles, risking injury and fatigue just to entertain sheiks. Is the beautiful game that WE invented now being touted around by the F.A as a plaything-pastime for the oil rich Arabs? Why, when we have a new Wembley to pay for are we playing a showpiece friendly in Dubai? Maybe the F.A is getting more money to ship our team abroad. In that case this represents a dangerous precedent. What's to stop this from being a regular occurrence? Should we just turn Wembley into a snail farm and continue to pimp ourselves to the highest bidder? I'm sure the yanks wouldn't mind hosting a few of our qualifiers for the next Euros. This isn't really an issue for the Brazilians, who over the last five years have been flashing their yellow and green knickers to any country that glances in their direction; after all they say it makes sense to play friendlys in London when the key players in their squad are all based in Europe. It's not a bad excuse, granted, but I'm sure the Brazilian F.A sleeps a little better and higher thanks to the millions of pounds they receive from these games tucked under their mattresses. God help us if we actually win the World Cup in South Africa next year. Our stock will be at the highest its ever been in 44 years, you can see the faceless, grey old duffers screaming sell, sell, sell!! David Beckham will be forced to go and play headers and volleys with Indian princes and Russian wheelie bin billionaires. Wayne Rooney will be made to demonstrate his street football skills at Disney Land. David James will be forced to wander around in his underpants at Italian fashion shows oh wait, that ones already happened. Anyway the point is our national game will become a brand, many will say it already is, and do you trust our F.A to handle it? For gods sake it they sold the construction of our stadium to the Aussies! A nation that's not exactly renowned for their high work ethic, tinnys on the job and afternoons on beaches. As for their eye for design, they got a Dane to design the Sydney Opera House. If it was up to them it would probably resemble a pair of norks.
Our F.A cannot and should not be trusted. This was an organisation that whist interviewing Brian Barwick (he who oversaw the ITV Digital collapse that sent many of our football league clubs to near collapse) was faced with two possibilities.
1. Send him through a comedy trapdoor to fall into a locked, dimly lit, room with only a recorded loop of Garth Crooks' post match analysis to listen too until he did the decent thing and began to eat himself. Or
2. Give him the job
Yeah they give him the job.
This is the same F.A that spent millions relocating to Soho Square, presumably at Sven's insistence of being no further than a mile away from a lady shop. The very same F.A that believed appointing the Steve 'Mr Charisma' McClaren was clearly going to make us world beaters, despite having the tactical knowledge of a chimp playing chess and the motivational powers of a dry turd. They got one decision right in ten years, Mr Cappello, and they've been stroking each other and generally looking smug ever since. Well done, but it wasn't as if they where going to give the job to Peter Andre was it, although he probably was on the shortlist when 'Dutch' McClaran got the job. Don't be fooled into thinking this Dubai thing is going to be one off, a platform to gather support for our miss-firing World Cup bid. No, no, no. This, my friends is the future. We've already had to watch our national team on the internet, which lets face it, is near impossible, because I’ve never met a man that does anything on the internet without being 'distracted'.
Football fans throughout this green and pleasant land, get set for brand England coming to a town near you, if you live anyway near Tokyo that is.
